When someone finally reaches out and makes the search commitment, I understand that it is a decision not lightly taken.
It takes a lot of courage to really bite the bullet. We see a lot of people on lists who are lurking trying to get up that courage. In looking, you are really exposing yourself to that fear of rejection again. Is the hope of discovering the truth of your birth family worth the risk? People who have even found things that they do not like, being born in jail, parents deceased, drug use, etc., say that knowing is better than not knowing. That there is a certain peace and completeness to their life having found out.
Of course, we have lots of good reunions as well.
I search even though I am not one of the adoption triad, because I feel that this country treats adoptees unfairly. I do not think that anyone should be discriminated against by the government; adoptees and also birth parents definitely are. I have truly enjoyed doing my family genealogy. It is important for me to know where I came from. Adoptees do not have that option. I sometimes give adoptees the start of a family tree once I resolve the identity problem.
Having medical information is becoming more and more important.
But what actually spurs me the most is that nobody should have these things withheld from them.
So for those of you lurkers, dive in. It is YOUR information, you deserve to have what everyone else has in the way of access and rights.
I wish there was no need for adoption, but as long as there is, I hope to get many more calls that say “for the first time I saw someone who looks like me”.
This was written and posted on email@example.com. This is a list dedicated to helping people in the Pacific Northwest and California who are looking to reunite with birth family members.